Pataponian philosophy 101

Patapon's preview of Patapon 3

2010-10-13T20:32:00.001-07:00

It is good and you should buy it.

vgchartz and the weird post 1.

2010-02-19T21:47:00.000-08:00

Question: Am I going to hell?

A long time ago, I went to visit my aunt who once had to be hospitalized for a soup kitchen addiction. She was a kind old bag, but she was a little... 'off' sometimes (if you know what I mean...). And what I mean by that is that she'd get into terrible rages that could last for hours on end. When she was in these 'rages', she'd demand bewildering things like lap dances, a Valve game on the ps3, and frosted flacks without the frost!

Her and I were playing a game of strip poker one night when all of the sudden she freaked out! Started talking about drowning stuff or somethin' like that... I was justifiably scared out of my trousers at this crazy bitch who sounded like she wanted to strap my neck to a ceiling rope and kick the chair out from under me! But as the nephew, it was my duty to calm her down and keep her from being sent to the slammer. So I did what any normal person would do and asked her what the fuck was her problem!?

After she stopped chewing on a bottle of Flintstones vitamins, I was given a response to my question. Started running her crazy mouth off about drownedin' stuff again... Horrified, I inquired further. Apparently, she wanted me to drowned a litter of kittens in front of her... Holy fuck

But being the good nephew that I was... NO! I wasn't gonna do squat! I ran out of the house with all my might and went to the local coffee shop where I spend my days faping to Porn. She couldn't find me there. As I started my session, IDK, but it just didn't feel right ya know? I was worried that my aunt would kill herself as I was gone. I mean, she was in a crazy rage talking about drowned kittens afterall...

So I made my way back and took a little stop off at the pound. Found a couple of cuties and bought them all for a total of $105. When I got home sweet home, I found my aunt drawing a set of tits on the wall with a sharpie marker. Oh lordy... still crazy as shit. She looked at me and saw that I had a box of kittens in my hand. Excitedly, she demanded that I get a vat of water and drowned them. With a look of sorrow, I said okay.

We made a setup in the living room. She got ready on the couch while I got the tub of water and a potato sack. Gotta say I felt really bad...I mean, I was gonna kill a litter of kittens... Whatever though, sometimes you just gotta do things for no reason. Anyways, when the setup was ready, I placed each kitten gently into the sack and in they went. I got alot of movement at first but after a minuet, all was calm. I then looked to my aunt, she was asleep. Oh well, time to clean up this crime against nature. I removed the sack from the water and something amazing happened... one of the kittens still lived!

I was shocked... How could this little creature live against all odds? Was this a sign from god not to kill this cute little critter? A sign that this kitten could someday be imperative to saving humanity from destruction? Possibly, but that didn't stop me from proceeding to place it back in the bag and drowned it a second time.

The next mourning when I came to, my aunt was sitting on the floor sobbing and confused at the horrible sight she was witnessing. I told her she ordered me the night previously to drowned a litter of kittens. She kicked me out of the house and said to never return. Well, back to the coffee shop!!!

So guys, am I going to hell?

My opinion on competition...

2010-01-12T15:45:00.000-08:00

Competition is bad people, plain and simple.

Let me give you a little happenstance that caused me much anguish. Once I was selling lemonade on a street corner. A great business TBH. You go to the grocery store and purchase some kool-aid packets and some sugar. Big whoop right? And for the water, you simply take a visit to the nearest public toilet. How much $$$ can be gained from? Well, once you factor in the practically nonexistent sunk costs from materials and the returns from price jacking, it's actually quite a substantial amount. But anyways, I digress...

Once upon a time I was selling some tasty lemonade. All went well until I started to get competition. This little girl from across the street opened up a joint and sold the goods for 10% less than me, pft... stupid bitch. As you can imagine, this new found competition did not put a smile on my fucking face, so I cut lemonade prices by over 20%. Business was looking up again! What happened next? She cut prices by over 40%!!! Can you believe that? 20 cents per fucking cup! God dammit, I have a family to feed!!!

What happened next? I hired a guy named Bobo McBobo to break her legs. Next day, no more competition :) But it still scared the shit out of me!!!

In short, competition is bad... I guess...

Here ends the readings from *Patapon, Legends of a Street Lord*

Attempt to be funny

2009-10-18T17:04:00.000-07:00

Come one, come all to the first (and probably last)

To Form a More Perfect Union

Topic: The word "Meh"

During my short stay on this website, I've noticed an interesting phenomena. This happenstance involves the word "meh" and results in anger and frustration from both sides of an argument. I think giving an example would best express what I am talking about...

So I have created one directly under this sentence!

EX:

patapon: I really love the games Haze and Lair! They are pretty and cute and pretty!!! OMG, SEQUEL PLIZ!

Shart stains: Both those games were meh. And that is that!!1

patapon: But I like those games and they are good! Why are you trying to contradict me?

Shart stains: Because you and wrong and fat and wrong! Patapon 1 and 2 were also meh and you should die!

(12 page battle of opinions commences and thread becomes derailed)

This may be an extreme example, but we have all seen something like it before. One person says that they like a particular game and then a 'defender of truth and justice' takes it upon themself to contradict that persons opinion and spout theirs as fact. I believe an expression is used to describe this event "raining on someones parade".

Now, in every language there are 'buzz words' that bring about an emotion be it positive or negative. I would consider "meh" to be a negative buzz word and I recommend people refrain from using it. My logic being that it immediatly brings negativity into a conversation.

Let's take another look at the above example without the word "meh"

EX:

patapon: I really love the games Haze and Lair! They are pretty and cute and pretty!!! OMG, SEQUEL PLIZ!

Shart stains: I don't like those games, but whatever...

patapon: That's cool dude. I appreciate your input nonetheless!

Shart stains: O RLY? That's AWESOME! I think you're a cool guy :)

patapon: :D I'm going to give you lots and lots of gold now for being nice!

Shart stains: YEAY!

Didn't that turn out better people? Yes it did, yes it did...

This was patapon with TFAMPU, now GTFO and play some Uncharted 2!!!

VGchartz friend request #5

2009-10-04T13:42:00.000-07:00

Where I come from, as boys grow from insignificant rats to strongly pandas, particular tasks are set upon them. Trials that require the sharpest of thinking, the most agile of feet and the shiniest balls. This is the way of the warrior you see. And I must be a warrior!

The pain and suffering that I have endured to accomplish my goals thus far are extraordinary.

I have smoked jenkem, consumed Rosie O'donnell, killed my pet kangaroo with a rusty spoon, attended a "women issues" meeting without commiting suicide, and given head to George W. Bush. I have fufilled almost all what I had set out to acomplish. Only one goal remains unfufilled... To make a friend...

You have been selected to be my friend and help me fufill my trials! CONGRATULATIONS!

So what say you? My balls are now hairless. You need only supply the friendship

VGchartz friend request #4

2009-10-04T13:41:00.000-07:00

How far would you go for friendship? Would a kindly handshake suffice? How about a hundered dollars? Some dismembered body parts suit your fancy? I don't know about you, but I'd do anything to make a friend.

I'd scale the the tallest mountains and swim the longest river. I'd fight an army of zombies and then (shivers) watch an episode of Rosie O'donnell's talk show.

I'd even threaten someone. Which is what I'm going to do now. You see, below this paragraph, I have a picture of a door. I assure you 'friend', you do not want to see what's on the other side.

Don't make me open the door. Be my friend.

VGchartz friend request #3

2009-10-04T13:34:00.000-07:00

Have you ever felt the cold touch of loneliness? The dastardly grip of being un-accomplished? How about the devastating realization that you'll never amount to anything? Well, I haven't because I'm F**KING AWESOME!!! And I think you're awesome too

So I've taken this opportunity to extend a hand of friendship to you. Will you be my friend?

BTW- If by chance you reject my generous offer of fellowship, I will not hesitate to cause you much pain and anguish. I believe this picture that I have found while cruising the internet sums up my sediments.

Don't make this any harder on youself. Just be my friend.

Vgchartz friend request #2

2009-10-04T13:33:00.001-07:00

Hey dude, this is patapon from the chartz. During my stay on this site, I've taken immense joy out of reading the fourms. It seems like there's a lot of people who have a ton of insight. You happen to be one of my favorite posters. With that said, I'd like to extend a hand of friendship out to you. Will you be my friend?

BTW, it's customery for me to give a picture of myself to someone who I deem worthy of fellowship.

Say, would you like to go on a date? Boys night out, yes?

VGchartz friend request #1

2009-10-04T13:25:00.000-07:00

Hello, this is patapon saying sup' from the chartz. During my time on this website, I've taken joy out of reading insight that other people have offered. You happen to be one of them. So with that said, would you be my friend?

If yes, I'm sure that we'll have a great time! Because dude, you and me, we got a connection. Hell, why don't we just start a family and have kids?

Okay, on second thought, lets just be friends...

Please?

..............................................................................................

4 Reasons why xbox fans are the best

2009-10-04T13:24:00.000-07:00

You may be asking why I picked only 4 reasons instead of the cliche 5. Well, aside from lazyness, I wanted to stand out... So lets get down to business.

4.LastPlace-

During my short stay on vgchartz, I've noticed that xbox fans are in the vast minority. This has confused me greatly. "Why in the world does the highest selling HD console have the least amount of supporters?" I have thought long and hard about this mystery and to no avail, I remain clueless. But perhaps the answer can be found in something I call The Darkhorse Syndrom. Or in other words 'Last place = best'. If you want proof of this just look at those guys from the movie 'Miracle'. Or that Spartucus guy from that one gladiator movie. Or the PS3. Last=best. Come on people, it's time to offically recognize something, xbox fans ARE the best. I may be the Sony leader but I take no shame in admitting this fact. And by being the best, they are in last place.

See?

3. They could kill you in real life-

I ask you but one simple question. What genre of games rule the xbox 360? If you said shooters then congratulations, you are correct! Not only are there more shooters than anything else on the xbox but they sell the best. Just look at the sales of Halo 3. As we all know, FPS's = training for warfare. They teach people how to shoot, aim and wait under cover as their bubble shield recharges.

"Do you want to fight one of these Halo playing, fighting machines?"

Not I sir, not I.

2. They don't have this guy

One thing that suprises me greatly is that the xbox 360 has no high profile fanboy. Yes, of course there are trolls here and there but the xbox community is as a whole, clean. Most of the time, one can have a logical conversation about Sony or Nintendo with an xbox fan pimped out with Gears of War and Halo 3 in his sig and avatar. Perpaps I'm wrong, but this is how I see it: For xbox, there's nobody. For Wii, it's Malstrom. For ps3 it's... it's... IT'S THIS GUY!!!

Be glad xbox people. You do not understand the pain of having this guy on your side. Perhaps I can enlist a Halo player to kill him... Hmmm...

1.AMERICA, FUCK YEAH!!1

Alright, Microsoft is an American company. And predictably, most xbox fans are Americans. If you find youself disagreeing with me, simply look at this chart:

Yep, xbox is America's console all right. Even President Obama recognized this during one of his speeches.

AMERICA FUCK YHEA!!!

Thank you for your time and have a nice day.

This saying + patapon posting it in blog = Intelligent

2009-08-18T15:11:00.000-07:00

I found this saying some time ago and wanted to post it here so I can always come back to it. Okay?

"If you're a true gamer, you buy the system for the game. If you're a fanboy you buy the console and hope all the games come to you."

This was a comment tied to the above comment-

"<---That goes out to every Nintendo fan begging for every big 3rd party franchise to end up on the Wii, when it's not going to happen. And to every 360 fan who says that if every PS3 exclusive goes multiplatform, it makes sense"

Viewing it in that regard kind of diminishes internet fanboyism... WHAT WILL YOUTUBE COMMENTERS DO?!?

My name is patapon, and I have come for the girl

2009-08-17T21:20:00.001-07:00

So this is the beginning... of the end? Or could it be the end of the beginning? Hmmm...

Regardless of my inane questions, I would like to celebrate this momentous event by finding a random animal in my house, and killing it. Some may think I'm a psychopath for doing this and they are most certainly right.

All joking aside, I probably won't ever write in this blog and in addition nobody will probably ever see it. So what's the point of continuing you might/might not ask? Because I'm bored, that's why!

So sit down, relax and don't enjoy what you'll never see. See, you're doing it already and you didn't even know it! Congratulations :D