Have you ever felt the cold touch of loneliness? The dastardly grip of being un-accomplished? How about the devastating realization that you'll never amount to anything? Well, I haven't because I'm F**KING AWESOME!!! And I think you're awesome too 
So I've taken this opportunity to extend a hand of friendship to you. Will you be my friend?
BTW- If by chance you reject my generous offer of fellowship, I will not hesitate to cause you much pain and anguish. I believe this picture that I have found while cruising the internet sums up my sediments.
Don't make this any harder on youself. Just be my friend.
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