Where I come from, as boys grow from insignificant rats to strongly pandas, particular tasks are set upon them. Trials that require the sharpest of thinking, the most agile of feet and the shiniest balls. This is the way of the warrior you see. And I must be a warrior!
The pain and suffering that I have endured to accomplish my goals thus far are extraordinary.
I have smoked jenkem, consumed Rosie O'donnell, killed my pet kangaroo with a rusty spoon, attended a "women issues" meeting without commiting suicide, and given head to George W. Bush. I have fufilled almost all what I had set out to acomplish. Only one goal remains unfufilled... To make a friend...
You have been selected to be my friend and help me fufill my trials! CONGRATULATIONS! 
So what say you? My balls are now hairless. You need only supply the friendship 
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